Somehow Bobalina always finds herself at the abandoned pier on Cliff Street. It is the only place she could get away from all the uninvited emotions. Bobalina is what you call an empath. She can sense and feel the emotions of anyone near her. Sometimes, it gets too heavy though. The intensity of the world's emotions can bring her great discomfort. This has always been her worst gift - experiencing the weight of the world unprovoked and at its full capacity. It's funny though; how empaths are given this overly emotional and "cry-baby" label by society, when most are not. On the contrary, Bobalina doesn't really have a sense of her own emotions. She thinks they don't exist. While she can feel others' emotions intensely, she is a stranger to her own.
Sitting on the Pier is always peaceful. No one's there to distract her from hearing the sounds of distant seabirds and waves as they wash up on the shore. It truly sets the mood for Bobalina's place of solace. At least, that is unless someone shows up.
She feels his radiant warmth hugging her without touching. Her devoted boyfriend of 3 years, Keishon, knows he can find her on the Pier every time. He is what Bobalina considers as the "clingy type", always getting too close (though he is her boyfriend and should be close to her). His percolating love for her is so radiant that she always feels him before she sees him. It's her favorite unowned feeling.
"Hey!"
"Hey!"
The pair shares a love that beautifully makes their awkwardness electrifying. They like to sit in silence while their hearts do the talking. Unfortunately, sometimes hearts aren't loud enough.
"Do you love me, Bobalina?"
"Seriously? This again Keishon? You know the answer to that."
"Three years together and you still treat me like the guy sitting across the class from you. THREE YEARS and I still don't know what scares you. What do I have to do for you to open up to me?"
Bobalina sits dry-eyed, staring off the Pier into the open beach. Her poker face remains unwavering against the heavy breeze and intense emotions pouncing off of Keishon. Her dead stare is the notorious look that make those closest to her fear she is an empty vessel. One could never truly tell where she goes when she gets in her zone. But whenever she's in it, you know she's in deep.
"There you go again, thinking you can hide from your problems. You can't hide from the world Bobalina! You will be found... you will ALWAYS be found! But until then I can't do this anymore."
As much as he thinks she is an empty vessel, Bobalina's spirit broke upon hearing those words.
"Are you leaving me?"
Even though her emotional expression is exactly the opposite of what he wanted, Keishon couldn't bare to witness the possible look on her face. He couldn't bare to look into her despairing eyes, or at least what he thinks should be despairing eyes. When he finally looks at her, Bobalina is still poker-faced staring at him, as if she's reading his soul. Angrily, he gets up and leaves her as she was before - alone.
The book-smart girl finds it hard to navigate romantic waters. It's been easy for her to know what Keishon feels and in turn, what he wants, but when it comes to expressing what she wants, she has no clue where to start. How can she want something, when she is not even sure how to feel? Analyzing herself, negative thoughts pervade Bobalina's mind.
How did I drive him from being crazy over me to becoming indifferent towards me? How did I manage to keep my fear of flying bugs, heights, and risk-taking from him? I mean for goodness sake, I'm afraid of everything! Wait a minute. Why don't I feel sorry for him? What? Why don't I feel anything?
Never before has it occurred to her that her personal emotion triggers have been in the power-off position for at least 4 years. Upon reflection, Bobalina realizes she stopped experiencing the phenomenon of feelings the year her baby brother passed away. The family was thrilled to meet its newest member, Ackson. Bobalina had been an only child for 13 years of her life. Finally, she was about to get a chance to share with someone. She had all the plans of making him the most spoiled boy in the neighborhood. She took on babysitting jobs, saving to buy him designer clothes, expensive jewelry, and of course, baby Jordans. Their life together was already accounted for. She was already the happiest girl in the world.
On that faithful day, when Ackson came into this world, Bobalina knew they would be best friends. Three months of living, and like a blown out candle, baby Ackson took his last breath. When he died, it was sudden and his death was unexplained, leaving everyone stunned with grief, but mostly confusion. Not knowing how or why her best friend left drove Bobalina to emotional blackout. Ironically, however, she's felt everyone else's emotions fiercely ever since. The unshed tears, buried guilt, afflicted torment, and grave despair that plagued her family after his death, encompassed her entire being. It was like their emotions dug its way into Bobalina's bone marrow, forming unsolicited bonds between her and them.
How can she break free from the curse of not experiencing her own emotions? Since a traumatic event, like losing her baby brother made her lose touch with her emotions, it makes sense that another traumatic event might overturn the tragedy. Obviously, losing the love of her life, Keishon, was not traumatizing enough. So, she must purposefully traumatize herself into feeling again. The problem is how does one go about doing that? How might she successfully harm herself just enough to the point of traumatization, but not so bad that she worsens her symptoms of Alexithymia? Suddenly, like a light-bulb turning on in her head, Bobalina thinks out loud: "I need drugs!"
Night-crawling through the streets of Sweetie Valley is the perfect place to get what she wants. "Maybe they'll give drugs out like candy," she thinks, "Isn't that what the Valley is known for? It won't be so hard." The naive good-girl has never been a step outside of Suburbia, so please, let's forgive her naivety. How could an exemplary student, well-rounded individual, and selflessly kind girl wander the iniquitous streets of Sweetie Valley for illegal substances? Any veteran of the streets could point the awkwardly innocent Bobalina out from the crowd. They'd know she doesn't belong, and assume she's looking for something she shouldn't be. Nonetheless, she finds her way there anyway.
As she walks through the streets of Sweetie Valley, she keeps her head held high and shoulders back, believing it would make her look more intimidating; and I'm pretty sure she read that in a book on street-smarts. Soon, she is struck by a putrid stench, jolting her in her walk. The stench carries with it a dryness that wants to push her out of its way. This phenomenon could only be rage.
"Hey! Hey, you girl!"
The voice came from a distance behind her. The naive Bobalina turns around like a deer in headlights at the unkempt woman beckoning her. Standing there unfazed, Bobalina answers,
"Umm... my name is Bobalina."
"And my name is 'Who gives a shit?' Why are you out here? You looking for something?"
While the rage from this woman pours out, something else peaks through its dominion. It's a feeling of fear, almost as if this lady feels sorry for Bobalina; so sorry to the point that she is angry with her. Appalled by the stranger's off-putting answer and emotions, Bobalina turns and hurriedly walks away.
Sweetie Valley is no place for an innocent girl like Bobalina. And if we're being honest, she has no idea what she is doing. She's no fool though, Bobalina realizes this, but she is motivated by hope in her venture. Nothing can set her off her path to experiencing her own emotions again. She must find drugs! Then suddenly, a group of rats go running just before her. Yeah that'll do it. Upon seeing the unsightly spectacle, a spooked Bobalina finally decides to head home.
Attempting to make her way out of the Valley, she feels this heavy hovering over her shoulder, like a vast darkness ready to consume her. Heat weighs her down as she quickens her steps. Although the feeling is new to her, she intuitively knows exactly what it is. It is evil! Cracking through the heat, a cold hand creeps up on her shoulder. The damsel screams! The firm hand drags her away as she tries to fight it off. Her eyes can no longer see, ears can no longer hear. She kicks, spits and tries to punch her way out of the mighty hand that is dragging her, but the hold of evil is too strong for the weakling to overcome. Pushed up against a cold wall, the hand moves towards her bosom. The hot sensation of domination burns her skin. She twists, turns, wiggles, and manages to escape out of darkness' grasp hiding in the nearest place she can find. The evil perpetrator calls out to Boblina:
"Think you could hide from me princess?"
Breaking into her place of solitude, the evil returns shoving her against a wall. There is no escape. There is no Pier she can run to. Bobalina is stuck with the darkness of the evil that exists in the world. Like all the things she's loved before, hope has left her defenseless.
Just as she's giving in to the darkness and thinks it's won, rage re-enters the perimeter. The unkempt woman from before smacks the evil perpetrator across the head with stray piece of plywood, knocking him out. She picks up the fragile Bobalina and stands her up on her legs. Quivering with fear and in shock from what just happened, Bobalina listens to the woman's heart: "You shouldn't be here! Go home to where you're loved. This isn't the place for you." The unkempt woman spoke to Bobalina without words. Like a virus, rage jumped into Bobalina, and voila! It's the moment she'd been waiting for; the traumatic overturn of her life, she can feel again. The strange thing about it though is the feeling is even more intense than she remembers. Bobalina's blood boils with rage and anger. Her hate for what just happened to her combines with the hate she has for herself for getting into this predicament.
Immediately, warring, harmful emotions fight to take precedence over her mind. It is unlike anything she's ever experienced. Her emotions are at war with her mind. Before, she was able to experience the emotions of others in their fullness without being overcome by them. The war in her mind is pushing her to the edge of insanity. Imagine going through all the hardships of your life simultaneously. This is the pain that Bobalina feels. Loud screams of fear, cries of hurt, and shouts of rage take control over her mind. There is no lowering the volume or silencing their sounds on her own accord. Only the Pier might be powerful enough to ease the rowdiness of Bobalina's mind. And that's exactly where she is heading.
When she gets to the Pier, her mind wars on. As she sits in her special place hoping this would help, still nothing happens. It's disheartening to witness really. Even though she remains poker-faced, her heart cries of sorrow. All she ever wanted was to feel her own emotions; to be normal like everyone else. Now that she does feel her own emotions, they overpower her and she only wants to turn them off. How much more worse could life get? Sitting with her insanity as outwardly calm as ever, Bobalina zones out looking into the water. Her zone used to be a place of rest for her, but it seems that it has lost its touch. The sounds of the waves only add to the noise of her mind, and she can hardly take it anymore. Burying her head into her lap, in hopes of turning her brain off, Bobalina cries softly. The world has found her. She is its latest victim. Defeat is ascertained.
Miraculously, a radiant warmth embraces Bobalina from behind. Right away, she knows this familiar feeling could only mean one thing - Love has entered the perimeter. Keishon sits behind her and hugs her from behind, kicking fear, rage, and pain out the door of her mind. He holds her tightly, as if he already knows what she is going through. His love for her heals the trauma of her heart. His love for her has become like what the Pier was before- a place of solace for Bobalina. As a rainbow appearing after a rainy day, Bobalina's mind is finally at peace, and she even feels this special emotion of her own. Mouths don't have to move when hearts speak, but boy, doesn't saying it out loud feel good?
"Keishon, I love you."
This time when she admits her feelings for him, she is not just imitating the sound of his heart, but the certainty of her own. For she knows the feeling of his emotions. They are too loud and overwhelming to be her own. Everything makes sense now. Trauma does not undo curses. Love breaks them. Finally, the unemotional empath has learnt to conquer her gift. She is free to feel, and feels free. As she sits with Keishon and her own new feeling, a veil she never knew was there has been lifted from over her eyes. She understands that she can no longer hide from the world, because she knows it will always find her.
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