Lost Count

Somewhere along the line, I stopped celebrating the most important day of the year - my birthday. Sometimes I even forget my age. I had a sleepover every year since second grade to celebrate it. Then, when I was able to drink legally, I had parties. Celebrating my birthday was so common that my friends would literally plan for it before I even announced my official plans.

This year for my birthday I have nothing planned. Honestly, I don't even feel that excited about my birthday anymore. Next year I'll be 25. Then, in the blink of an eye, I'll be 30, 40, 50 and so on. Aging must be like a kryptonite for women, because I melt a little inside every time I remember I'm not 21 anymore. I swear life after 21 moves faster than cat years!

Although my friends petitioned my decision, my plans remained the same. There weren't any. When my mum found this out, she demanded that I celebrate in some way, shape or form since I'm so far away from home and she couldn't take me anywhere herself. She said, "I don't care if you go to a casino drunk and gamble all your money away. You are going to celebrate YOUR day!" My mum says the wildest things she doesn't mean, but it felt like she was onto something. While being under the influence is an essential part of any celebration plans of mine, I thought it would be fun to do drunk gambling on my birthday. So you know what? I did!

Don't ask silly questions. Of course I went to the casino by myself after I pre-gamed at a nearby bar. If 23 has taught me anything, it's that I can have a great time alone. When I got inside the casino, I had no idea what to do or where to go. Lo and behold, my deus ex machina found me and led me to the cashier's booth. I ended up with a bag of coins and starry eyes. It was a wonderland of flashing lights and games!

I sat at the nearest machine, mesmerized by the lights. I've never gambled before, but even while inebriated, I knew exactly how to play the slot machine. I watched as the symbols rolled in their columns. It was inspiring. The symbols went on and on, and they didn't complain once. They didn't care about how long they'd been rolling. They didn't stop to ask why they were rolling. Shoots. I don't think they even knew they were rolling. They just were!

When I stopped celebrating my birthday I didn't know I stopped celebrating life. I stopped celebrating me. I was so caught up on the fact that things were not the same anymore that I just wanted to stop changing. I wanted to stop rolling. I lost count of all the parties, birthday cakes, endless birthday shots and birthday twerks I've had over the years. I got lost in the fun and lost touch with the reason of the celebration. Each version of myself was celebrated every birthday. Every new moment I had was welcomed with open arms. It was my duty to maintain the celebration from now until forever.

I might have passed out for a second while the symbols rolled on. But when I came to, everything felt new. Then it occurred to me. I was alone, drunk and in a casino for the first time ever. It was the most hilarious thought. I laughed so hard I fell over on the floor. The laughter rolled off the tongue from deep inside my gut that it came out in loud outbursts. Everyone was staring, but I couldn't stop. I was laughing like a hyena for the longest time. Ha! One minute you're 24, the next minute you're being escorted off casino premises by security guards for public disruption.

I don't want to ever deprive myself from moments like these again. Birthdays are meant to be celebrated. After all, they are once in a lifetime achievements. Things may always change, and in the blink of an eye, I'll be 30... Wait, how old am I again? Anyways. For right now, I'm just happy the eye hasn't blinked yet.